About Time Wasted

I wrote something a while ago.... here it goes.

"About Fleeing

There were no goodbyes. No sharp words saying he was sad about leaving. No crying. No letter over the table like they usually do in movies.

Just that disturbing silence. The kind of silence that puts you through hell looking for answers leaving a bad taste in your mouth. I know he is not coming back and I wasnt ready for it.

He left behind plans. Plans of traveling together, passionate kisses and a happy life. He left a question mark.

Felt like the carousel had stopped and I was standing there, alone and scared.

A writer once said that sometimes words hurt more than being slapped in the face. What to say about the lack of them ? Of someone's fleeing in the middle of the night leaving no track behind. Of my phone that decided not to ring anymore. Not because of him. What to say about the void left? 

Maybe I longed to be happy for so long that I forgot to listen to my instinct and just went for it. I really believed it to be true! 

Now I'm just afraid. Afraid to call and he answers and I realize he is out there living his life. That he still has his vocal cords, he just doesnt want to say a word.

I go home listening to songs he sang me.

Maybe I need a thicker skin, a bigger box to hide my feelings or just a smaller heart.

Maybe that's enough."

********

That said... everything is clear now. I wrote that before knowing the truth.

Sadly, I was already deeply in love. 

All those lies that were told.  It takes time but they do come out. They ALWAYS come out.

No matter how pretty you make them seem.  Even if you involve them in pretty songs and dreams, they are still lies. 

You were almost an artist. It's so amazing to think about it, actually. Dont get me wrong, it hurts. A lot. But congratulations. Your aim was perfect. If your goal was to make me believe, you really nailed it. I fell for it like a turkey during thanksgiving season.

I was afraid of you leaving and leaving me with nothing but great songs and tears behind. And again, darling, you got it right. Except that my tears are now dry and my heart is broken.

Denial came around quickly and then acceptance took my whole body.

I now realize the time I wasted listening to pretty lies, while you were out there, lying to somebody else.

Thanks for the lesson learned, darling.

I got it from now.

Taly